Gentleman’s handbook

Gentleman’s handbook

“Be a man!” How? How can one just suck it up and be a man? How does one refrain from pouring their heart out, or put a stop to sudden urges and impulses and the simple phrase of “be a man”? Growing up I was never given the handbook, I never had the template right of front me, I never had the “Man” who’s last name I carried. So now here I am stuck with figuring it out as I move along, with the torn feeling of wanting to blame him, and wanting to blame everything on myself. I used to believe I was on the right track without him, but because of what I did, I’m nothing but fraud, the only thing I have in common with a real Man is the male anatomy. I’m nothing but a male who can’t protect, and boy who cannot control his urges. With that being said I’ll be dammed if I turn out like the one before me. He was anything but a Man. I cannot begin to express how ashamed I feel about my recent actions against the one I’ve always loved the most, but honestly at this point I just need to be better moving forward. So I need to look back into the Gentleman’s handbook. When I’m done I’ll be better, I’ll be the Man, the version of myself I’ve always idolized, only then will I drop his Last name…