I want you to take a second and become in tune with just your thoughts and feelings...

Room to forgive?

I've realized that falling out of love with someone is not the worst part of a breakup. Not Even the memories of them hurt as bad as the default selfish desire of humans. The selfish part of us that deep down despises the people who leave us after we become extremely attached. So to my Ex friends, and Ex girlfriends I've learned to let go of our memories. I have let go of certain ways you all made me feel, our intimate secrets, and our inside jokes. I've been tasked with answering a certain question lately. “Is there room for forgiveness in real life?” In a way I find this question a little irritating. Nonetheless it deserves an answer, as of today Monday, May3rd, 2021 I despise everyone who has ever gotten close to me and later left. See as selfish as it maybe I refuse to forgive that. Maybe it is because I am still a little ignorant, or because my mind cannot begin to comprehend the action of forgiveness, but what does the mind have to do with the feelings of the heart. What place does logic have in love, bonds, and intimate connections? Besides I’m not a victim, I too have hurt and betrayed someone very special to me. I pushed away one of the best things in my life at that time, and I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for that even though she has, or maybe she just doesn't care anymore. I no longer hold a spot heavy enough for her to feel. So if I cant forgive myself why should I forgive all of you? Aren’t I allowed to be selfish too? Can’t I “do what is best for me”?

"Too Emotional"

“Too emotional” what does that even mean? I thought relationships and bonds were supposed to be full of feelings and emotion. Would you rather me have not cared about you? Would you rather me have treated you like just any another person? I can live with you not wanting to call you and I a relationship, but insulting my care for you and trying to walk over me will never slide. What happened to the girl who kept me on facetime on school nights? What happened to the girl who would constantly spam me with “I like you a lot”, because she was scared to actually tell me she loved me, I wish you knew I actually felt the exact same. Maybe things would have been different, maybe it would’ve been different we were still sending voice messages of stupid sounds we both like. Where I’m from, I’m not allowed to let girls know how I feel, because as soon as you do, they take advantage, I prayed you weren’t like that. So, what do I do now? I’m stuck here unable to move forward because I don’t know how you feel.

#feelings #heart