My F I V E Leaf Clover

Part 3: love…

I never understood how hard it was to truly love someone before you came along. I honestly never thought we’d become as close as we did, you needing my English notes blossomed to an unforeseen friendship. My first real friendship in this foreign place, I actually remember one of our first face time calls, how we stayed up till 5 in the morning. It was like in one night we had exchanged our whole life stories, but somewhere between our most vulnerable moments and most intimate ones we formed something, a sort of tie. We formed a sort of friendship that I wanted to last just as that, a friendship. I did a pretty good job staying in my role as a best friend, and it made it a lot easier due to the fact that you had a special person in your life, but I was naïve to think we could spend that much of our time together; and go out our ways that much for each other to just stay friends. I was there through your toughest of times, I witnessed you die inside more and more as everyone you trusted broke your heart, and watching you break just destroyed me. It really changed me for the better. I couldn’t sit back and watch, so I told the most beautiful words, I recited the most hopeful of promises, and I gave you the most purist version of my love, and I let you know everyday that you and I were joined at the hip. Reminiscing over these memories makes me wish our confession never happened, maybe then you wouldn’t have left me they way others have left you, maybe if I never said it out loud the feelings wouldn’t have been real, and maybe I would be foreign to the third clover…